We start a game of drunk monopoly, where frankly we just continue drinking. First Andy gets some glasses from downstairs as I set up the game. I end up feeling a bit dizzy already from the plain rounds we had swung from the bottle already while playing Fifa. I know that my mind is getting a bit foggy, but I still feel sober, just that I happen to stare at Johnny far more often and leaving my gaze there, just like when I’m counting the money to hand it over to him. We’re all bored so I hope he shares my view point where I frankly would bone him even if he wasn’t as nice and attractive and was just queer. But he’s not queer regardless of what I think and what he does.
“Robbie, you gave me three 500 notes.” Johnny smirks at me, probably very highly aware of my attraction to him by now. I take one note away from him. I always liked the fact that I was a lightweight when it came to alcohol or the fact that I would usually drink more than the rest and be the first drunk, because that would mean that my anxiety would be gone sooner and I wouldn’t care about what’s really happening too much.
I feel far too foggy, because I can only think about how lonely I am and I know that if I drink a bit more, I’ll probably be the first one to break down and start talking about Steven before being a happy drunk. The problem about what kind of drunk you are depends on how life really is and my life is pretty miserable even if I don’t want to admit it much, I want to stay positive and not caring, but in reality I’m terrified of the future up to the point that I’ve contemplated taking my life. I’ve thought of just ending it all because I’ve lived enough to taste everything I had wanted, but what keeps me going is the pure fear of suicide.
I take a swing from the bottle once more just to null the thoughts and it sort of seems to ease me even more a bit, even if I feel that on the edges I’ve got fear.
Andy shows up with his promised glasses. They’re just regular glasses rather than some shot glasses, because frankly we drink like pigs and in a way it’s a way to say hey mom, we drank juice, look at our glasses even if they will be reeking of a vodka and whiskey mix. We all cheer only far more drunk. Andy pours more of the remains of the whiskey bottle, as we haven’t even gotten to Johnny’s vodka and I wonder how deadly would the mix even be. I don’t think I care.
Andy sits besides me.
“Hey, Paul.” He says to me.
“I’m Robbie.” I think we’ve drank plenty or at least in Andy’ eyes I seem to see too many reflections of a drunken man.
“Whatever. I’m sorry that I didn’t invite you and Steven over too much. That was me being an asshole.” He says and I even look around, to make sure that we are in his room with all the posters of babes on the walls and the tacky old wallpapers which his mom refused to change. I look back to just stare at him confused.
“It’s… alright?” I say holding the confused note. “Just don’t be an asshole next time to whoever I’m seeing.”
“Just that… he looked like such a fairy and you always looked normal. Like… I could never believe you were gay. Besides your fucking shoes and then your clothes…” He pauses and gives a brief hiccup. “Okay, fine, you look gay, but-”
“You’re drunk.” I say drunk.
“My point is, I was an asshole. I’ll be on your side now.” And he pats me on the shoulder. Paul then just winks at me, probably indicating that he’s also on my side. Johnny, who seems to be the most sober of us all just smiles at me. Fucking smiles at me. Suck me off already.
“How sweet of both of you, homophobes.” I smirk, not fully flattered and still hating them somewhere down in my kidneys. I don’t really voice much, but Paul winks at me again and rolls the dice. I have no idea how are we even managing to stay by the rules, but we just started so it’s only later in the game where you start offering different streets to buy where our fully smashed selves will prevail.
I’m sure that the game will eventually get much uglier than I expect it to be and the fact that we keep pouring the leftovers of the whiskey isn’t really a good sign of the day ending. But it’s better than to think about the impending winter, which will frankly be basically no sunlight and snow if were aren’t lucky. I don’t want to think about seasonal depression and the feeling of just being trapped in something which doesn’t seem to pass at all because it’s so desperately long.
“We will always have your back.” Paul says and moves his little top hat, passing my little battleship.
“Yeah, of course.” I say, rolling my eyes and recounting my money because of one time when we were kids when Andy took some hundreds from me.
“No, seriously, now I know my mistakes and I’ll have your back.” Andy says. “No matter what fairy you’re fucking.”
Then he pauses.
“Who fucked who?” He asks with absolutely no filter and I just roll the dice, silently and I realize that all eyes are on me with the most ridiculous question anyone gay can get from a straight person.
“How about that’s none of your business, Andy?” I say, moving the piece and landing on Johnny’s square, so instead I shift my attention to the tall new friend. “How much, Johnny?”
Thankfully I didn’t land on any street which had a house, as he got lucky enough to get all three streets of the same colour, making Paul wince as if someone had stabbed him because he didn’t have the money to buy it when he landed there three turns ago. All these few turns Andy just sat in jail, making me wish that he would actually be in jail instead. I tried to ignore the looks and even Johnny holds from giving me his money.
“C’mon, Robbie, we’re all curious about your sex life.” Paul says and Johnny just looks at me. I lean my head back, closing my eyes.
“No, just fuck off.” I say, not even opening my eyes not to see the fuckers.
“Are you like… the passive? Is that how it’s called, Paul?” Andy asks and I’m guessing he turns to face Paul.
“How the fuck would I know, Andy?” Paul speaks out.
I don’t even want to give them a lesson on gay terminology and I flinch at the passive word, really not wishing to explain that sometimes it’s not that black and white. That in my case both me and Steven would just do it as we would please and I kind of hoped to have the same sex fluidity in that with my next partner or partners. If I would ever get any, that is.
“If you’re on my side, just google some fucking definitions and leave me alone.” I say and Johnny finally takes my money after softly saying 18, quiet enough not to disrupt the horrid discussion which was getting on my nerves pretty badly.
“Which definitions should I google, Robbie?” Andy asks and takes out his fucking phone.
“Do it in your own fucking free time so you can check some porn and put Paul’s face on your computer screen.” I say and yank his phone out of his hands. Andy just makes a weird drunk noise, which I don’t properly distinguish and Johnny laughs with Paul. I put the phone besides me and Andy grabs for it, but puts it back in his pocket, somewhere deep down probably realizing how much he had annoyed me and that it should really be dropped.
Johnny still seems to be terribly curious about it, but all I can think of is that he would ask me that later and possibly I would talk to him about it, but not in front of Paul and Andy, who are terribly annoying and would drag me for it to the end of time. But he doesn’t speak up thankfully.
Andy instead of asking more dumb questions gets the glasses.
“Johnny, can I open the vodka?” That’s it, we’ll be far more smashed and the questions should be even worse now. If we are able to fucking lift our heads from the floor, that is. Maybe we will all just sleep on Andy’ rug and that will be it really. That sounds like a very likely end to our terribly eventful evening.
“Of course. That’s why I brought it. I didn’t get IDed somehow at the end of the day.” Johnny confesses and we all just stare at him in pure awe. Well, he does look older than all of us actually look and I feel a bit jealous I would always get caught, so I would just nick something from my parents instead besides one time. But that’s because I had known the guy and it was close to Christmas, so he told me that I could get away with it. I had jerked off to him to, thinking that he would have asked me for a blow job if he wasn’t so shy. But that was just wishful thinking and soon enough he moved to the city and we never really followed up, probably hooked up plenty with ladies or whatever.
“Lucky.” And I stretch the y as I say it to Johnny and he just shrugs, smiling. He always fucking sAndy. I could kiss him if he didn’t claim to be so straight. Andy just grins and pours everyone some vodka into the glasses with flowers on them, as if they are going to make drinking more innocent than it already is.
We all don’t toast, we just continue drinking, everyone at their pace, I usually drink it like shots, feeling my head fully give up on me by now, Johnny drinking it slowly and Andy and Paul mirroring each other by drinking it at a medium pace.
“Say, which websites do you guys check out when you’re horny?” Paul asks, completely hammered. For fuck’s sake. I just start recounting my money and looking at the streets I have collected so far, but we’re all losing to Johnny who already managed to grab those three streets with the same colour.
“I just stick to pornhub and redtube and all the usual ones. I can’t say I’m too picky when I’m horny.” Johnny speaks up and I realize how loose he is due to the alcohol. It finally struck him and it’s awful because my mind goes to ask me if I would manage to squeeze out some questions from him and I’m sure the same thought goes through his head, because he keeps looking at me from the other side of the board.
“So what, I’m the only one who looks at bikini photos of girls in our class when I’m single?” Paul asks, pouting and looking around.
“You asked websites, you moron.” I laugh, looking at him and his lost expression on what he had actually done wrong or rather what he had asked wrong. Paul still looks at me as lost as ever, like a deer in the headlights. I continue laughing, as Andy just snorts and Johnny grins watching me thrash the poor fellow. “And that’s pretty damn gross and pretty predator… like of you.”
I’m so drunk.
“What’s wrong with doing that though?” Johnny pipes in. “I’ve done that to Heather before we started dating.”
Aha, she has a name. Heather.
“You’ve never done that?” Johnny asks me.
“When I figured out that I like Steven we were pretty much boning him by then.” I say.
“Who bones who…” Andy whines and leans to put his head on my lap. I shift uncomfortably, trying to shake him off, but his head remains on my lap a bit too close to my cock. I just ignore the drunkard I have as a friend. “Please tell. I’m dying from curiosity, I need to know where the cock goes.”
“Fuck off.” And I place my hand over his drunk mouth, as it’s my turn to roll the dice. I move the little battleship, a piece I’ve been using since I was a kid and whenever I change it, I always end up losing. I keep my hand there and I wish that Johnny would talk more, but then maybe I end up with all the body language and I’m so drunk that I can see him leaning over and kissing me.
–
Being gay during a sleepover with straight guys doesn’t always land as fun the entire time. I’ve had some odd conversations myself and before I knew who I was I’ve asked awkward questions, so it’s something which happens unfortunately.
grasp the sanity 